So…is no one else walking down the street mildly paranoid that any random crazed-looking citizen might attack their face at any given moment? Cause…yeah. Hi.
Truth is, I know this zombie shit has been going on forever. One man finally had the heart to do it publicly (although I personally thought the nudity x expressway combo seemed a little dramatic. Why not choose one?) and now all the face-eaters of the world will reveal themselves with pride. Leaving us less cannibalistic citizens in fear.
The moment I heard the zombie news, I had an instant flashback to a moment in my chaotic life. It was a dreary morning only a month ago. I was walking along Eastern Parkway on my way to my new job. It was my first day so I’m anxious excited nervous happy…feeling every emotion when BAM, something hits me. Literally. A wad of spit landed right on my collar. Within two seconds I realized what had happened; I noticed an unstable looking gentleman walking in my direction. When he got close enough, he looked me up and down and attempted to spit in my face. Guess he didn’t like what he saw? He never even stopped walking. It wasn’t until I heard him giggling that I came to, completely shocked, and managed to let out a helpless “oh my God…”
Not wanting to be late for my first day of work, I had to keep it moving. Wiped my collar clean and proceeded with my day. In retrospect, I’m glad he spat on me. Imagine he would’ve tried to eat my face? Man, listen.